book plans

this is a journal entry from last night... the ending entry for a book idea, capturing my life with "woman", the intrigue, the excitement and heartbreak of it all. this is rough but i would like your thoughts on what we can call a cathartic compilation.... some of you know the stories i have to tell:) a book blog is to come.

8:30 saturday night, 6/6/2010...sitting in the boone saloon, in "my seat", the one i sat in on many occasion the first time i lived here, alone in the days of sue. beer, music, my journal and things to look at...getting back to me. there is a solace in this isolation, comfort in my thoughts, my dreams. i feel safe.

i have met some special people this time around in boone and i love being around friends, families...but right now they only remind me out what has eluded me so many times, what deceives me today... love.

what the fuck, payne... so many dreams, intentions and connections and the inability to move forward with love? here i sit here in exile, i'm good at this, trying to figure out where to put my heart, my intentions this time. so i write, write the last chapter of what is to become a book... "my life with woman"

as i write these words, ironically, wrecklessly, i hope and wait... wait for that someone to sit down beside me and smile, that forever smile. hope springs eternal...