obese vegan

well that makes 3 in a row for ole SMT... after pinback and mward im not sure why i would have any doubts... the sound sucked so bad for the first band, i almost didnt hang on for "The Constantines" (a band from canada) they were on fire and played right through the terrible job by the sound guy, some hack... to put on a groovy show. sean put on a show himself, in rare form he was...the boy loves his music

my turn

for what??
to write a book.. to say nothing of worth.. to lay down or sell out to the corporate wheels like she has been doing forever, since her days of marketing the gay community for coors beer? i guess she learned from a pro? arent we all wanting equal rights here, but she markets a shitty beer, made by a company who use to be on the forefront of gay discrimination... to a group of society, based not on there spending/drinking/sporting habits but their sexual orientation... hmm. then she gets mad at any of the democrat that uses/d her sexuality to market their agendas?? it seems that terry gross, on "fresh air" (NPR) was trying to point out such hypocracies, but to have her on the show was just a mistake, a terrible interviewee for a terrible cause, a book that will surely say nothing just as she has. not to mention being involved with one of the most anti-gay administrations in recent history??? if anyone reads this book and im wrong and its a good read... please let me know, as we know i can surely have gotten this wrong:)

a smattering

my last post, including a poemesque entry, was a flop but maybe for the content?? so ill try again with a smattering of thoughts from my pink journal, some of you may remember when i carried that one around:)
-"dont speed, if you enjoy your weed"
- if you know what pherimones are...here is an attempt to name that layer of the female atmosphere...
pherosphere or farrah'sphere.
-"whoever seeks the truth, deserves the consequenses"
-"paralyzed by the western son, i search for a deeper shade.
realizing the existing darkness of my heart, i struggle to move into true light"
-" love, romance, hope...
a fabrication of my will, to hold a hand that fits in mine"

lantana

i love that word and could just stop there:) but as some you know i have an ironic thing for flowers, ironic in that i dont have green thumb when it comes to frivolous plants/flowers, im ok in the garden:) and ironic in the fact that im not big on picking/purchasing flowers... but here is this plant i inherited and planted in my front flower bed, that is mostly bushes and sage varietals.... (im not into watering much either:() anyways this plant (lantana) struggles in the 100 degree heat of summer (my house faces west, which is great feng shui but terrible for a flower bed). so the leaves of the plant are wilted, bug eaten etc.. but its flower persists and fights thru the heat to bloom in such a beautiful way it over comes you...you cant loose your awareness or you'll miss it for it only lasts one day and its gone... such beauty, such determination to live, to see the sun and then to die. im sure for the plant it was well worth it and im honored.

springs preserve

i am so proud of my brother and his work with whole foods... he started as a cheese cutter fittingly:) but know he is at the top of the game, doing very well in vegas. as for wholefoods.. we all know that success story. whole foods had a booth at the springs preserve, once an ancient tribal land that the state of NV is preserving... www.springspreserve.org
my bro, is hoggin the lens:) come on man you can merchandise better than that!!

the mariposa lily

inspired to write and reflect... and also in an attempt to blog the lighter side (so some of my readers will quit praying for me:) i write some words written 7 years ago... maybe more of this to come, we will se how it goes over:)?

sitting in a chair feeling a familiar emotion, i write.
like glass, fragile, reflective and protective, are my emotions.
as i subside to the fear of silence and the pride of unspoken words, i break.
all of my pieces, edgy, sharp and full of energy,
are on the floor at your feet..... waiting to be collected.
payne '99

hide and go seek

loving this idea of seven steps of alchemy... i read the alchemist years ago (maybe i should again) and never quite got the concept of how that related to every day life.... again in the book "the way of the wizard" it becomes clear that alchemy is a principle for living, the steps on our journey to becoming spirit. "innocence", is were we start our lives... soon (too soon, as early as the 2nd grade in my experiences) comes the birth of the "ego". next we get the the urge to become an "achiever". some of us stick inside these two states our whole lives, the ego is a strong fucker... many find their way to becoming a "giver", after all happiness lives not only in taking but also giving. next step... here is where i believe i have been floating for many years, in the role of a "seeker", a place where one's sense of "I" is allowed to expand. by itself, seeking finds you no fulfillment...eventually you need to FIND. it is an illusion to think god, beauty, love is here and not there... the "seer" finds life, love and god everywhere and in every person.. the last stage of alchemy is "spirit" which seems to be the hardest to imagine, where concepts like mind and body, birth and death cease.

the road less traveled

Depak Chopra.... i finally finshed " the way of the wizard" which i truly loved (suprised yes)... it had 20 lessons and you were encouraged to take in one a week. the part i liked the best i reflected upon in a comment to a blog post... she starts like this...

"So, in MY reality there is no past, no future, only the present, and my fucking god, it is a beautiful present. I see the stars at night, and make love freely, life is the sweet mango nectar that can be licked off of ones fingers, or something." and i reply:

"past, present and future, they are all parts of your next thought, emotion or action... if we could learn how to live backwards by focusing our thoughts and actions on the future, exactly how you want it..... the past would be filled with a lot of wonderful stories that you wouldn't feel inclined to tell, because the present would be so glorious:)" that is all chopra induced:)...traveling lifes road in a different direction, backwards...instead of making decisions in the present by looking to the past.

this lovely gal got me interested in her blog by writing this entry.....
"The General Lee is parked next door, and everybody loves my floor, sometimes I think Iv'e got a door, but people slip through more and more, I fainted for the first time see, and wishing that I wasn't me, was put to bed quite properly, with icewater for my company. Waiting for the morning light, I dreamt that I was high in flight; soaring through the clouds above, and knowing that I'm still in love, with a boy I met some time ago, we'd amble through the Portland snow, now I see 'twas just a dream, and things aren't really what they seem, but life goes on quite lusciously, and now I'm in another tree, kissing someone else-crazy! - and dancing to my favorite tune, and up above still shines the moon. Let it be let it be. Can't believe I'm finally ME."