Wednesday, May 31, 2006

the mariposa lily

inspired to write and reflect... and also in an attempt to blog the lighter side (so some of my readers will quit praying for me:) i write some words written 7 years ago... maybe more of this to come, we will se how it goes over:)?

sitting in a chair feeling a familiar emotion, i write.
like glass, fragile, reflective and protective, are my emotions.
as i subside to the fear of silence and the pride of unspoken words, i break.
all of my pieces, edgy, sharp and full of energy,
are on the floor at your feet..... waiting to be collected.
payne '99

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

hide and go seek

loving this idea of seven steps of alchemy... i read the alchemist years ago (maybe i should again) and never quite got the concept of how that related to every day life.... again in the book "the way of the wizard" it becomes clear that alchemy is a principle for living, the steps on our journey to becoming spirit. "innocence", is were we start our lives... soon (too soon, as early as the 2nd grade in my experiences) comes the birth of the "ego". next we get the the urge to become an "achiever". some of us stick inside these two states our whole lives, the ego is a strong fucker... many find their way to becoming a "giver", after all happiness lives not only in taking but also giving. next step... here is where i believe i have been floating for many years, in the role of a "seeker", a place where one's sense of "I" is allowed to expand. by itself, seeking finds you no fulfillment...eventually you need to FIND. it is an illusion to think god, beauty, love is here and not there... the "seer" finds life, love and god everywhere and in every person.. the last stage of alchemy is "spirit" which seems to be the hardest to imagine, where concepts like mind and body, birth and death cease.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

the road less traveled

Depak Chopra.... i finally finshed " the way of the wizard" which i truly loved (suprised yes)... it had 20 lessons and you were encouraged to take in one a week. the part i liked the best i reflected upon in a comment to a blog post... she starts like this...

"So, in MY reality there is no past, no future, only the present, and my fucking god, it is a beautiful present. I see the stars at night, and make love freely, life is the sweet mango nectar that can be licked off of ones fingers, or something." and i reply:

"past, present and future, they are all parts of your next thought, emotion or action... if we could learn how to live backwards by focusing our thoughts and actions on the future, exactly how you want it..... the past would be filled with a lot of wonderful stories that you wouldn't feel inclined to tell, because the present would be so glorious:)" that is all chopra induced:)...traveling lifes road in a different direction, backwards...instead of making decisions in the present by looking to the past.

this lovely gal got me interested in her blog by writing this entry.....
"The General Lee is parked next door, and everybody loves my floor, sometimes I think Iv'e got a door, but people slip through more and more, I fainted for the first time see, and wishing that I wasn't me, was put to bed quite properly, with icewater for my company. Waiting for the morning light, I dreamt that I was high in flight; soaring through the clouds above, and knowing that I'm still in love, with a boy I met some time ago, we'd amble through the Portland snow, now I see 'twas just a dream, and things aren't really what they seem, but life goes on quite lusciously, and now I'm in another tree, kissing someone else-crazy! - and dancing to my favorite tune, and up above still shines the moon. Let it be let it be. Can't believe I'm finally ME."

Sunday, May 21, 2006

green & groovy

"after some digging in, in tulsa, to confront some fears i had about the house i pulled through and made some arrangements that i hope will work out.... and have decided to come to n. georgia:) im so glad you agreed that a mid-year spot (to adjust if something happens) was groovy for both parties... it sure made it a lot easier to make things happen and im real excited about here we go:)"

that is the email i sent out today to my groovy/green/friends and soon to be employers...the second pic is the view from the back deck of their house. for those of you who have not heard any of this, i have this great opportunity to be andrew and vic's nanny for the first school year of andrew's new job, while vic is still in georgia. they are expecting there first child in july:):) im looking forward to 8 months of exploration, growth and i plan to focus on some painting and an expansion into wood sculpting... when im not creating a special environment for this kiddo:)

Friday, May 12, 2006

fat rock

im creating a theory... there is a trend going on, with the band i saw last night "red smear" (pictured) and one i caught a few weeks back "whitman". they both have these sexy fat front men and im not sure if im the only one who is groovy with it. but it makes sense, skinny is in and rock and roll has always been on the fringe of what is hip and besides these guys are real, convey life as most of us know it...

Thursday, May 04, 2006


just had a conversation about being frustrated at how much we as americans buy both in product and propaganda as in advertising schemes... sex sells, so lets make our people sexually repressed so we can sell them any thing with a pair of tits/abs behind it...john stewart was all over this tonight ce: the drug companies and all there silicone tempted drug reps... so i bought a new camera on-line, no hottie ads...i know im still a consumer:) but here's the deal, i sold my old one and a painting last week so i only had to pay 200 for everything in needed... bumped up to 8.3 megapixels and a 12x zoom, to groovy. here is the first raw pic, see if you notice the difference, i have not touched it with photoshop??